unamerican beauty.

p.s.
i am going to stop pretending i have it all together.
my mind hasn't stopped spinning in weeks .. months, really.
& it seems i would give anything to finally have some clarity in this life.

but ..

the muddled messes give way to the clear streams if you look hard enough.
& the birds still sing even when it isn't quite spring.

& when the fog finally clears at the end of this life,
it's not hard to believe that the tears caused by this
beauty will happily and joyfully blind my straining eyes.

"and that's the day i knew there was this entire life behind things, and .. this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever ... but it helps me remember .. and i need to remember .. sometimes there's so much beauty in the world i feel like i can't take it .. like my heart's going to cave in."
[american beauty.]

pacific sun.

back and
forth. back
and forth.

here or
there.

this path or
that path.

nothing is clear to me anymore.
one day it's obvious,
and the next day the same ..
except obvious for the other path.

if i strive for Love and
strive to serve,
ultimately ... where
should i go? does it
really matter if i am
being used in both?

i am hoping for some clarity
and the ability to realize
where my priorities actually
lie.

thank goodness for community,
for loves,
and for the ocean constantly
by my side.

It begins today.

Unbelievable.

Today brings in the next era of America, and I can confidently say that today, I am proud to be an America.

Cheers.

the lightness.

tonight,
all my homes are calling out to me.
& my heart ...
oh, it aches.

san diego brings me home tomorrow.
iowa family begs me to stay.
uganda reminds me of living.
college laughs at me.

do you ever just need a place to belong?
is it possible to belong in too many?

regardless,
i am grateful for them all in ways words cannot express.
but this heart is being pulled in all directions,
& this beauty is being absorbed
& i am re-re-re-realizing l o v e.

[you were right about the stars
each one is a setting sun ... ]

i miss you
& wish your face was
the first to see in the west.

[p.s. i'm bringing
the guitar this
time.]

k.

bright eyes.

my heart swings
wildly in every direction,
gasping for the air
that makes it move.

2009 ... i need to
be alive. your
mysteries are
bringing me home
& brightening
my eyes.

'resolutions' coming soon.
although .. i don't think i can actually call them that.

more like ... hopes.
& dreams.

wild h o p e s
&
furious i m a g i n i n g s.

because really,
who knows where
l o v e 's
clever intrigue
will take the world
this year.