oh, ohio.

hello, dear friends.

so here it is, february 25th, and i am beginning my third week on tour. it is so funny, i feel like i have been on tour for so many weeks already, yet memories of california and college are so close at hand. i guess that is part of the mystery of time. i cannot remember the last time i wrote, but i am quite certain that i am nearly a different person now than i was then. i have learned so much in the past two and a half weeks. so much about myself, about how i relate to others, about my team and how they function, and about the beauty of human life and the hope that we all work together so beautifully to maintain.

in the past couple of weeks, we have traveled from california to chicago, went all around that area. from chicago to columbus, ohio, and now we are spending the week in cincinnati. in chicago, we spent a week adjusting to each other and finally owning up to the idea of tour. we finally began to realize the implications of a three month road trip, about how we all affect each other, about how things can go terribly wrong (i.e. our very first day of screenings, our car stopped working, we couldn't call a cab, we were late to a screening which turned out horrible, and we hit a car). but we also learned the comfort we could take in each other, the pain we could cause each other, but especially i began to realize the relationships that i would maintain for the rest of my life. these three people i am traveling with are amazing, and i wish that you all could have the opportunity to embrace their stories, their strengths and weaknesses, and their lives as i am able to over the next few months.

our week in columbus was significantly better than the first week for some of us. we had consistent screenings throughout the week, and had very good responses to our media and had incredible contacts that we had great discussions with. we were supposed to go to a high school this past friday, but columbus area schools had a snow day, so we hung out with a couple of rad contacts and went sledding during the day and enjoyed downtown columbus in the evening. we ended up going to pittsburgh on saturday and did a preview of sorts at a franciscan school's dance concert on saturday night, which was certainly interesting.

and now we are in cincinnati. we arrived on sunday evening, and ended up doing a screening today at a local high school, and had the incredible priveledge of sharing the stage with a man named dennis who is from gulu, northern uganda. kevin, my teammate who lived in gulu for a year, was delighted to be able to introduce him, talk with him, and speak with him in the native tongue of northern uganda. we were so grateful to hear his story and be able to talk to him about what invisible children is doing and about his life in uganda. he has an incredible story.

so here i am, in the basement that has been allotted to me and the team for the week, and it's amazing. we have beds to sleep in, a television to watch, a bathroom, and food that has been supplied to us. and it's such a blessing. we are preparing for a crazy week, and i am constantly re-realizing how long this tour is. i cannot believe that i have the privledge to spend three months on the road with the craziest and most amazing three people in the world, spreading the word of the situation in uganda, all while historic events are taking place in uganda. for those of you who do not know, a permanent ceasefire has just been signed in uganda, and it is expected that the war will officially be over by the end of next week. how crazy is that??! the end of this 22 year war is finally in sight. there is still so much work to be done, but it is so encouraging to hear our brothers and sisters in uganda rejoice as peace is finally cresting. for all of us who are working for uganda, it is one of the most amazing things. especially to be on the road while this is happening. i encourage you to look at ugandacan.org for more up-to-date happenings.

finally, i would like to leave you with a video of my two teammates, filipe and kevin, while we are at ohio state university. it just gives you an idea of the cold that we are experiencing, but also the incredible and hilarious team i am partnered with. go here. http://youtube.com/watch?v=S64nwDvW7D4

love and miss you all. please do not hesitate to email me back and update me on your lives! sorry this is long and rambling, but i wanted to make sure i threw an update your way. love you all and talk to you soon!!

peace, please.
kristin.

learning how to live.

i can't believe this tour. i honestly don't know if i can keep learning this much - as much as i have over the past week - in a total of three months. and more. i know i will keep learning more.

i journaled the other day about a lot of stuff. i hadn't journeled about my life, about my thoughts, and this, in nearly a month. and so much has happened even in that time. i wrote about how i have been so challenged, even in a week's time. about how my team and i are truly made for each other - that there is a divine purpose in me coming on this tour, in me waiting (im)patiently for His timing. i can't believe it, i really cannot. i wrote about how we all mesh together so damn well, and how we are all going to learn so much from each other. i believe it is already happening, and i believe it will continue to happen over the next three months. i have already been called out on some of my crap, and i know it will happen again. and again. and again.

i also wrote about the fact that i am coming to recognize that there is something harder than others calling me out. and that is me calling myself out on my shit. recognizing what a horrible person i am in some ways. that how i act truly does affect others. and how i act is partially because of others, but i can still control myself, my emotions, and my actions. honestly, it is all stuff that my parents have been bugging me about for years. but at age 21, i am finally recognizing that there are these things in myself and in my character. and it is really time to change.

i feel like this is going to be three months of intense character development. and refinement. i am hoping to begin the process of becoming the best me that i can be. cheesy, but true.

i am also learning the value in truly being myself. really being myself. but also trying to become a better me. it's really beautiful. it's been a challenge simply because i have been surrounded by the most amazing people in the world the past few weeks. and it's so easy to wish i had certain qualities, to strive to be someone else. but i am me, and i cannot be anyone else. it's a challenge to strive for confidence in who i am. but i am hoping it will come.

i am also learning to not let jealousy rage. to keep things in perspective. to not be passive-agressive. to learn to live that way.

aaah. it's only been a week. it's so crazy. it is so good. i am learning that it really is life.

love. please. it's the only thing.
kristin.

great lakes delight.

i wrote this earlier from the road, with help from my teammates. enjoy a little view on our lives ... love.

hello loves,

so we are finally on our way to chicago. currently stopping to pay a toll ... check.

team gL started off by making our way to las vegas on night one. after a grand and unexpected reunion with the staff at in'n'out after the launch, we set out and soon arrived on the strip in las vegas. overwhelmed by all the lights and outright absurdity of the city, we stayed the night with cool contact number one: charles. he treated us to 'across the universe', beds, good conversation, and free breakfast. he's amazing.

day two consisted of us driving through utah and colorado, meeting up with the bolitho boys, amy collins, brice crozier, and the entire bolitho family. this was the beginning of many firsts for the team: multiple feet of snow, incredibly cold weather, getting the van stuck ... all good stuff. all in all, we had a late night, but laced with good conversation and many laughs. we took off the next morning very full with delicious food. we made our way across the rocky mountains, where the three native californians nearly froze to death. interestingly enough, colorado was probably a good twenty degrees warmer than it is here right now (currently a sweltering -2 degrees with a wind chill of -24). we tried to find some fun in and after denver, searching down buffalo bill's grave and a herd of bison, the latter of which was impossible to find, even after directions from a local natural enthusiast.

and then came nebraska ... while rumoured to be more intersting than kansas, nebraska provided no entertainment whatsoever. it is entirely possible that we could have driven that state with our eyes closed. we rejoiced with the arrival of iowa, which unexpectedly provided roads that were relatively curvy. unlike nebraska. which is as flat and straight as ... well, the flattest and straightest thing you could imagine. after a loud chorus of beatles songs, we finally made it to kristin's house in iowa where we spent the night. we left today with enough good (chocolately) food to keep us full for the next week or so.

so that brings us here. we are currently on our way to chicago, watching stand up comedy on youtube while scraping the ice off the inside of our windows. tonight we will be staying the night with a friend who lives just blocks from our first screening in the morning, in a juvenile detention center. we are excited to get started on tour and bring this to the great lakes region. we are sure we will have many more stories to send your way soon.

love and miss you all,
gL.

this love will open our world.

so this is kind of expanding on the last blog. i may or may not like what i wrote here better. i hope it truly expresses what i am feeling and surrounded by.

-- and it just hit me that i am leaving these beautiful people for three whole months. [ouch.] --

community.
(sorry this is long.)

i have often praised and dwelled on the beauty of the community here at invisible children. and i have often said that it is something like i have never experienced before. and i really believe that there is truth in those statements.

but never before have i experienced a community that has shown so much dedication, loyalty, and steadfast love than i have in the past two weeks.

i came back to invisible children, entering this community for a third time. each time it has changed, evolved, and been shaped by the beauty of the hearts of those involved. and it is an incredible thing to witness. and i have seen the outfringes of this community while interacting with previous roadies and interns, and it has always been something i have missed and anxiously anticipated coming back to.

community is something i never have really been good at, or really been that involved in. it involves being vulnerable, which i am not good at or necessarily comfortable with. it involves forgetting yourself, which i am not that good at. it involves being challenged, which although i do welcome, the comfortable is so much more appealing sometimes.

but anyways. these past two weeks, our community - no, our family - was challenged to rally around and support two loved ones that are making their way to north korea. they are going to bring light to a place that has perhaps not seen light in many years. they are going to break through the monotony of fear and captivity. they are revolutionaries.

so we rallied. we fought to bring in money. and lots of it. we got up early. we gave of ourselves. we washed cars. we shed the comfortable and became vulnerable in front of others, begging for support.

honestlly, this has been one of the most powerful, if not the absolute most powerful, witness of the beauty and unity of a community that i have ever seen. i do not say this to glorify ourselves or the people here, but simply to say that this is one of the times that community has worked together like a community should. it is what we are made for. what a community is designed for. constructed around.

love. dedication. inspiration.
firey love.

i don't even know how to express this. here we are, a small group of people gathered to try to change the world. we are setting out on tour in a mere four days, not just to spread the word of the situation in uganda, but to empower this generation to forget themselves. to leave the comfortable and to begin changing their world. but we found each other as a community, as a family, supporting our friends that are leaving the comfortable and they are going to change the world. they are living out the message that we are hoping to get across to this generation. and it's amazing. it's part of this growing feeling of revolution that we are all starting to recognize ...

so here's to community. here's to this community. here's to the evolution of what community means. of how community is lived out. of how life is lived out.

here's to the challenge of living life. of realizing that life is too short to be this comfortable.

here's to you two. here's to my family at invisible children.
love.
k.

'the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.'
galatians 5:6

just love will open our eyes.
just love will put the hope back in our minds
much more than we could ever know.
oh, so don't burn the day away.
don't burn the day away.

come sister, my brother,
shake up your bones, shake up your feet.
i'm saying open upand let the rain come pouring in.
wash out this tired notionthat the best is yet to come.
but while you're dancing on the ground,
don't think of when you're gone.
'pig'.
dave matthews band and dave matthews

it comes so soon ...

hello, my dear friends.

ok so here i am, sitting here on superbowl sunday afternoon, staring at a rainy san diego. and it is hitting me that i am leaving for the road in three days. and i couldn't be more excited.

this past week has been absolutely crazy. we have all been working so hard to get the necessary amount of screenings in order to go on the road. an man, it can be hard to get ahold of people! but we got our 45 screening contracts in, and we are set to hit the road on thursday. this upcoming week, we will be having training almost every waking hour, preparing us for everything that could come our way in the next three months.

our tour is going through five different states: illinois, indiana, michigan, wisconsin, and ohio. we have a range of places booked to not only show invisible children or related media, but to hopefully empower this generation to work toward leaving the comfortable and changing the world. to help them realize that they have a voice and that they can use it to make things better. we will be going to high schools, colleges, churches, juvenile detention halls, breweries, and more. my team has four unique perspectives on this conflict and how things will change, and i am so excited to use our four voices in small but hopefully powerful ways.

speaking of powerful, i wrote you last week to ask you to consider supporting my friends that are going to north korea. i can't remember how much i wrote in that email, but we were guessing that we had to raise about $9000, well not had to, but our friends needed right about that amount. so we took it upon ourselves to raise that money. the roadies and staff all pledged to raise that money, telling our family and friends about the situation and what this couple is doing. and i thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart that contributed. but we also worked hard to raise that money ourselves. we went out and did carwashes, people panhandled on the streets of downtown san diego, we asked for money outside of grocery stores, and more.

this honestly has been one of the most powerful, if not the absolute most powerful, witnesses of the beauty and unity of a community i have ever seen. i have never seen so many people rally together like this. in eleven days, we all raised $9100 to give to our friends. i do not say this to glorify us or this group of people, but simply because i believe that this is one of the times that a community has worked together like a community should. honestly, like a community of Christ should. to love and support one another, and to do so with such selfless acts. we presented them with the money last night, and all we could do was cry. it was a challenge that was brought to us, and hopefully we all learned something much more powerful than how to fundraise for something important.

but please, if you remember, please pray for this couple. i am so loving what they are about to embark on, even though it has no plan or no guarenteed results. but they are following what they believe the Lord is calling them to do. and they are following their hearts. and they are following their belief that they stated on the night they got home from their honeymoon, that

"life is too short to be this comfortable."

so in light of that, here i go, hopefully into the uncomfortable. these next three months are going to be difficult, but i am so excited for my team and how we will grow together. and grow individually. i wish i could talk to all of you about how i am anticipating this, and i wish all of you could meet my team and see how the dynamics of these next three months are going to play out. and i wish that you all get a chance to be this challenged, to be this vulnerable, to be ... this alive. so, be challenged, be uncomfortable. that is my prayer for you, for this generation, for this world.

i love you all. i miss you. don't hesitate to write me back.
kristin.

sorry, this is super long. but it's my heart lately. my struggle. my outpouring ...
there is so much going on. so much ... brewing inside me. tumbling around, so much searching. so much processing.

there have been so many people that have fed me since i have been here. who have challenged me. who have matched my heart and my dreams. at times, i am so overwhelmed, and not always in a bad way.

two of our friends from invisible children are setting out to a dangerous country. they are buying a one-way ticket to this country, still don't know how they are going to get in, and they are going under a cover that they have yet to develop. and they are leaving in exactly two weeks time.
a mutual friend of invisible children is in the congo. he is living through the peace process there. witnessing hopefully a change to history. he is literally giving child soldiers back their lives. or, to put it better, giving them lives they may never have had unless he and his friends were there. he is being put to the test, being challenged, and he is frustrated beyond belief because of the injustices that are taking place there. but because of it, he is doing more.

our national tour sets out in two weeks. two weeks exactly. i don't know if i can put into words how i am feeling right now. there is something ... something afoot in this world.

something is happening.
something is moving.
we are moving.

i feel ... i feel like we are on the verge of a revolution. truly, really, honestly, and literally on the verge of it. perhaps we are going to really find out what a revolution is. i have been feeling it, my friends have been feeling it, my boss has been feeling it, and we are witnessing it in this far-off land and in the congo. and in northern uganda.

i feel like i have suddenly awoken to the world. not just now, no, not at all. but in the past few months, the gravity of the world has finally weighed me down. situations have suddenly broken through reality, and i have finally begun to understand how serious, grave, and dark the world can be. i think i had been treating everything as a story. something that i "believed" to be true, fought for, pleaded for, but closed myself to the possibility of the world being this ... bad. does that make sense? i hate even saying that. i have always prided myself in seeing the beauty in what is sometimes not seen as beautiful. i have always said i would have joy in all situations. i have always ...

but to be honest, it has been more of a struggle for me the past few months. laughing, which comes so very easy for me, seems more hollow. i am forced to remember the grave. and i am struggling to see the light. not that i am depressed, but i think i am finally understanding that shit does happen.

i should have known that by now. maybe because i have witnessed so much pain in my family, through deaths, betrayal, sadness, sickness, anger, bitterness, and misplaced emtions, i have learned to block it out. but you would think that i would come to recognize it more clearly. i don't know. i analyze everything.

but here, lately, i have seen sin's sad effect on the world. the brokenness that is apparent in everyone, in every situation, in every country of the world. sometimes it is more apparent than others, and sometimes it is more scary than others.

in the congo, for instance, it is obvious. but not seen by the world. years of war, years of death, over five million people dead. did you hear that? five. million. people.

in uganda, a war that has raged for twenty-one years. children made child soldiers. prejudice that has existed for hundreds of years. resentment. death. a conflict that just weeks ago we all had hope for ending. but in less than a week's time ... could start right back at the beginning. i am just starting to digest that.

in eastern countries, millions of people living in fear, living in solitude. living as prisoners in their own country. brainwashed, frightened, and not seeing a hope for the future.

those are three stories. three stories that are the broad stories of millions of people's lives. and then there are the details of their lives. and then there are hundreds, thousands, millions of things that have gone unseen.

so there has been what has been getting me down the past few ... months, really.

but as i said. i feel it.
revolution.

i get tingles thinking about it. i fell asleep dreaming about it last night. we tell stories of what is beginning it to inspire each other.

in congo, sean is bringing hope. his friend is starting rehabilitation with child soldiers there. peace is coming. we can only hope and pray.

in uganda, education is being brought to the beautiful people there. an economy is being created. people are being freed and fed. they are sustaining themselves. and although peace may fall through, invisible children is there. other organizations are there. life will come.
and in those eastern countries, i know two amazing people that are going. we are rallying behind them as a community, and dear Lord, if they can't bring change, i don't know who can. it's going to be one hell of a challenge, but it's time.

it's time.

it's time to step up to the challenge. greet that feeling of revolution with an embrace. welcome it. welcome the challenges.

we have waiting in darkness for far too long.
we have settled with the horrible when we never should have.
it's our turn to change this world.

as my friend sean says, "i think maybe it’s time for smoky corners to be exposed in this lush hell. it’s a question needing to be asked of our own culture as well - if no one knows what is real, how can we move forward? let's find out what is real. what is true. this mission is only beginning. and i'm sure i'll ask The Question many, many times before it ends." (the question referring to 'why am i here?')

let's expose these corners. let's go to the places where we are forced to ask, why the hell am i here. but then let's remember that this life ... this life is not about me.

go.
go now.
www.congocast.org
www.invisiblechildren.com

life is too precious to let it go.
forget yourself and ... go.

i love you.
k.

reimagining the world.

so this weekend marks two weeks that i have been back in california.

it's so weird .. i feel like i have been here for so, so long. maybe like i have never left from this summer. it's a new set of people, but the same nurturing environment, the same set of ideals. but i also feel as if i have just arrived, just set out on this new journey, opening up a new pathway in my life.

and i have no regrets. i cannot express how incredibly blessed i am to be out here right now.
i keep telling everyone that in the past two weeks i have been challenged, stretched, loved on, given hope, and laughed more than i have in perhaps the past two years. in so many ways. those things had happened within the first few days of being back. let's just say that living with 51 people is a bit challenging. knowing that i will be living like i am married to my team for the next four months makes you vulnerable. pushes you to be uncomfortable.

but that makes me alive.

i was thrust into a community that i thought i was ready for. but i was not. the first few days were me trying to be myself, but not knowing where i fit into this huge community. but then comes a retreat to the mountains, and finally being real and open and forced with my team and with others ... that made me comfortable as myself and helped me finally find a place. i think it did for all of us.

being open, being real, being vulnerable ... those are all challenges for me. but as i forced myself to be such, as my whole team did, we all got to know each other on such a different level. to know each other's pasts, family, beliefs ... made us know each other better in ways that some of my closest friends don't know me. it's just stuff that doesn't usually get brought up. or you get to know over a longer period of time, in much less forced settings.

so we return home, and it is finally home. i love my family here. so much. i love that i have such a big family. and such a family that makes me feel alive.

shane claiborne says this:
the truth is everyone in our culture has been deeply polluted by the noise and garbage of this world, and we all need to be washed clean. we need minds that are renewed and uncluttered so they are free to dream again.

i feel like i am in a place where we are encouraged and even forced to do that: to dream and to reimagine the world. invisible children is really shaking the world. shaking all of our worlds. forcing us to examine what is important in life. forcing all of us to examine our goals and the goals of the organization. forcing us to remember why we are here. and it's incredibly challenging. but amazing.

jason asked us all to write a mission statement of our lives, especially pertaining to this period of our lives. i resented it at first, as i thought i was through with homework. but then i warmed to the idea. then i forgot about it. then it was due. but as i wrote it, i had to really look at who i a, what my priorities are, what my hopes are for the future, and how i achieve my goals. if i even believe my goals will be met.

i definitely recommend you doing something like that. assess your goals. your life. what is important. write a mission statement. it will be good for you. i hope.

ok i feel like i could go on and on about what life is like here. but in short, it is amazing, a blessing, and above all, a challenge. a constant struggle between living for myself and living for others. a time to find out what sacrifice is. a time to embrace diversity and wide beliefs. a time for constant learning. a time for hard work. a time to cry with someone who is hurting. and most of all, a time to laugh, to love, and to be loved on. it's so beautiful. please, find yourself a community and be immersed in it. you will never regret that you did.

i love you all.
kristin.