sorry, this is super long. but it's my heart lately. my struggle. my outpouring ...
there is so much going on. so much ... brewing inside me. tumbling around, so much searching. so much processing.

there have been so many people that have fed me since i have been here. who have challenged me. who have matched my heart and my dreams. at times, i am so overwhelmed, and not always in a bad way.

two of our friends from invisible children are setting out to a dangerous country. they are buying a one-way ticket to this country, still don't know how they are going to get in, and they are going under a cover that they have yet to develop. and they are leaving in exactly two weeks time.
a mutual friend of invisible children is in the congo. he is living through the peace process there. witnessing hopefully a change to history. he is literally giving child soldiers back their lives. or, to put it better, giving them lives they may never have had unless he and his friends were there. he is being put to the test, being challenged, and he is frustrated beyond belief because of the injustices that are taking place there. but because of it, he is doing more.

our national tour sets out in two weeks. two weeks exactly. i don't know if i can put into words how i am feeling right now. there is something ... something afoot in this world.

something is happening.
something is moving.
we are moving.

i feel ... i feel like we are on the verge of a revolution. truly, really, honestly, and literally on the verge of it. perhaps we are going to really find out what a revolution is. i have been feeling it, my friends have been feeling it, my boss has been feeling it, and we are witnessing it in this far-off land and in the congo. and in northern uganda.

i feel like i have suddenly awoken to the world. not just now, no, not at all. but in the past few months, the gravity of the world has finally weighed me down. situations have suddenly broken through reality, and i have finally begun to understand how serious, grave, and dark the world can be. i think i had been treating everything as a story. something that i "believed" to be true, fought for, pleaded for, but closed myself to the possibility of the world being this ... bad. does that make sense? i hate even saying that. i have always prided myself in seeing the beauty in what is sometimes not seen as beautiful. i have always said i would have joy in all situations. i have always ...

but to be honest, it has been more of a struggle for me the past few months. laughing, which comes so very easy for me, seems more hollow. i am forced to remember the grave. and i am struggling to see the light. not that i am depressed, but i think i am finally understanding that shit does happen.

i should have known that by now. maybe because i have witnessed so much pain in my family, through deaths, betrayal, sadness, sickness, anger, bitterness, and misplaced emtions, i have learned to block it out. but you would think that i would come to recognize it more clearly. i don't know. i analyze everything.

but here, lately, i have seen sin's sad effect on the world. the brokenness that is apparent in everyone, in every situation, in every country of the world. sometimes it is more apparent than others, and sometimes it is more scary than others.

in the congo, for instance, it is obvious. but not seen by the world. years of war, years of death, over five million people dead. did you hear that? five. million. people.

in uganda, a war that has raged for twenty-one years. children made child soldiers. prejudice that has existed for hundreds of years. resentment. death. a conflict that just weeks ago we all had hope for ending. but in less than a week's time ... could start right back at the beginning. i am just starting to digest that.

in eastern countries, millions of people living in fear, living in solitude. living as prisoners in their own country. brainwashed, frightened, and not seeing a hope for the future.

those are three stories. three stories that are the broad stories of millions of people's lives. and then there are the details of their lives. and then there are hundreds, thousands, millions of things that have gone unseen.

so there has been what has been getting me down the past few ... months, really.

but as i said. i feel it.
revolution.

i get tingles thinking about it. i fell asleep dreaming about it last night. we tell stories of what is beginning it to inspire each other.

in congo, sean is bringing hope. his friend is starting rehabilitation with child soldiers there. peace is coming. we can only hope and pray.

in uganda, education is being brought to the beautiful people there. an economy is being created. people are being freed and fed. they are sustaining themselves. and although peace may fall through, invisible children is there. other organizations are there. life will come.
and in those eastern countries, i know two amazing people that are going. we are rallying behind them as a community, and dear Lord, if they can't bring change, i don't know who can. it's going to be one hell of a challenge, but it's time.

it's time.

it's time to step up to the challenge. greet that feeling of revolution with an embrace. welcome it. welcome the challenges.

we have waiting in darkness for far too long.
we have settled with the horrible when we never should have.
it's our turn to change this world.

as my friend sean says, "i think maybe it’s time for smoky corners to be exposed in this lush hell. it’s a question needing to be asked of our own culture as well - if no one knows what is real, how can we move forward? let's find out what is real. what is true. this mission is only beginning. and i'm sure i'll ask The Question many, many times before it ends." (the question referring to 'why am i here?')

let's expose these corners. let's go to the places where we are forced to ask, why the hell am i here. but then let's remember that this life ... this life is not about me.

go.
go now.
www.congocast.org
www.invisiblechildren.com

life is too precious to let it go.
forget yourself and ... go.

i love you.
k.

reimagining the world.

so this weekend marks two weeks that i have been back in california.

it's so weird .. i feel like i have been here for so, so long. maybe like i have never left from this summer. it's a new set of people, but the same nurturing environment, the same set of ideals. but i also feel as if i have just arrived, just set out on this new journey, opening up a new pathway in my life.

and i have no regrets. i cannot express how incredibly blessed i am to be out here right now.
i keep telling everyone that in the past two weeks i have been challenged, stretched, loved on, given hope, and laughed more than i have in perhaps the past two years. in so many ways. those things had happened within the first few days of being back. let's just say that living with 51 people is a bit challenging. knowing that i will be living like i am married to my team for the next four months makes you vulnerable. pushes you to be uncomfortable.

but that makes me alive.

i was thrust into a community that i thought i was ready for. but i was not. the first few days were me trying to be myself, but not knowing where i fit into this huge community. but then comes a retreat to the mountains, and finally being real and open and forced with my team and with others ... that made me comfortable as myself and helped me finally find a place. i think it did for all of us.

being open, being real, being vulnerable ... those are all challenges for me. but as i forced myself to be such, as my whole team did, we all got to know each other on such a different level. to know each other's pasts, family, beliefs ... made us know each other better in ways that some of my closest friends don't know me. it's just stuff that doesn't usually get brought up. or you get to know over a longer period of time, in much less forced settings.

so we return home, and it is finally home. i love my family here. so much. i love that i have such a big family. and such a family that makes me feel alive.

shane claiborne says this:
the truth is everyone in our culture has been deeply polluted by the noise and garbage of this world, and we all need to be washed clean. we need minds that are renewed and uncluttered so they are free to dream again.

i feel like i am in a place where we are encouraged and even forced to do that: to dream and to reimagine the world. invisible children is really shaking the world. shaking all of our worlds. forcing us to examine what is important in life. forcing all of us to examine our goals and the goals of the organization. forcing us to remember why we are here. and it's incredibly challenging. but amazing.

jason asked us all to write a mission statement of our lives, especially pertaining to this period of our lives. i resented it at first, as i thought i was through with homework. but then i warmed to the idea. then i forgot about it. then it was due. but as i wrote it, i had to really look at who i a, what my priorities are, what my hopes are for the future, and how i achieve my goals. if i even believe my goals will be met.

i definitely recommend you doing something like that. assess your goals. your life. what is important. write a mission statement. it will be good for you. i hope.

ok i feel like i could go on and on about what life is like here. but in short, it is amazing, a blessing, and above all, a challenge. a constant struggle between living for myself and living for others. a time to find out what sacrifice is. a time to embrace diversity and wide beliefs. a time for constant learning. a time for hard work. a time to cry with someone who is hurting. and most of all, a time to laugh, to love, and to be loved on. it's so beautiful. please, find yourself a community and be immersed in it. you will never regret that you did.

i love you all.
kristin.

heart at home.

hello lovers.

i can't believe that i am just now beginning my second week back in san diego. it feels like i have been here for weeks already, and i feel so at home, it is amazing.

the past week has been busy and amazing at the same time. sunday, monday, and tuesday all consisted of moving and settling in, spending time with a friend who was out here visiting, and slowly getting to know my fifty housemates. wednesday began training, which continued through friday afternoon, when we headed as a group to the california mountains for a retreat.

i then spent the weekend with my fifty co-roadies, and spent some incredible quality time with my team. my three teammates are absolutely incredible, and i am soooo blessed to be on great lakes team. we mesh together so well, laugh together, and i honestly cannot imagine - or want - to be on any other team. i am so excited to spend three months with them on the road.

tomorrow begins the first day of actual work. we had the day off on monday, and my team spent some good bonding time together, going to balboa park and then to the beach, and today concluded our training. we have three weeks left until our tour launches, and we are going to be booking screenings like crazy until then. i am really excited to get started, but it is going to be pretty busy and possibly stressful until we head out.

all in all, i am so grateful to be here. my team has welcomed me in like i was never absent, and i have felt so at home. i will write more later, but i wanted to give a quick update.

much, much love.
kristin.

Hello, friends!

I just wanted to send you all a quick update to let you know that I made it safely to California. After spending a night with good friends from our church home here, Amy and I moved into our new mansion, and our fifty (yes, 50) roommates are moving back in, one by one. I begin work on Wednesday, will be training the rest of the week, and going on a retreat this weekend with my Invisible Children family. And then starting next week, I will be working hard with my team to book screenings for our tour which launches on February 7th! Man, that's going to come quickly!

I will keep you guys updated as I go along, but please feel free to let me know if you have questions or seriously just want to chat! I love and miss you guys, and I truly hope you are having a great start to this spring semester!!

peace and love,
kristin