learning how to live.

i can't believe this tour. i honestly don't know if i can keep learning this much - as much as i have over the past week - in a total of three months. and more. i know i will keep learning more.

i journaled the other day about a lot of stuff. i hadn't journeled about my life, about my thoughts, and this, in nearly a month. and so much has happened even in that time. i wrote about how i have been so challenged, even in a week's time. about how my team and i are truly made for each other - that there is a divine purpose in me coming on this tour, in me waiting (im)patiently for His timing. i can't believe it, i really cannot. i wrote about how we all mesh together so damn well, and how we are all going to learn so much from each other. i believe it is already happening, and i believe it will continue to happen over the next three months. i have already been called out on some of my crap, and i know it will happen again. and again. and again.

i also wrote about the fact that i am coming to recognize that there is something harder than others calling me out. and that is me calling myself out on my shit. recognizing what a horrible person i am in some ways. that how i act truly does affect others. and how i act is partially because of others, but i can still control myself, my emotions, and my actions. honestly, it is all stuff that my parents have been bugging me about for years. but at age 21, i am finally recognizing that there are these things in myself and in my character. and it is really time to change.

i feel like this is going to be three months of intense character development. and refinement. i am hoping to begin the process of becoming the best me that i can be. cheesy, but true.

i am also learning the value in truly being myself. really being myself. but also trying to become a better me. it's really beautiful. it's been a challenge simply because i have been surrounded by the most amazing people in the world the past few weeks. and it's so easy to wish i had certain qualities, to strive to be someone else. but i am me, and i cannot be anyone else. it's a challenge to strive for confidence in who i am. but i am hoping it will come.

i am also learning to not let jealousy rage. to keep things in perspective. to not be passive-agressive. to learn to live that way.

aaah. it's only been a week. it's so crazy. it is so good. i am learning that it really is life.

love. please. it's the only thing.
kristin.