4am musings.

life is funny.

it seems that there is a sort of clarity that comes when you least expect it. like when driving home at four in the morning, an empty interstate drawing one toward the coast.

maybe it isn't necessarily clarity, but perhaps a shift in perspective.

a palm tree sticks out with a shady sillhouette. and it hits me for maybe the second time in one week ... i am in san diego.

what?

and then i begin to wonder how i got here. my mind drifts and rediscovers the delight in the relationships i have formed here. remembers the times we all danced in a newfound freedom. and then rests upon the relationships that are presently budding.

beauty is exposed in the newest of ways. and i love discovering those ways. sometimes i think i need to remember to turn off the music and listen to the silence. because when i really think about it, it is silence that has spoken more truth to me than anything else.

there is a Sound there that is not present anywhere else. at least to some degree.

on another note, i sense things are changing. a contentment is creeping in without any warning, except that a presence has returned to san diego that i have missed for over three months now. his laughter warmed my soul tonight more than anything else could have. but beyond that, i am seeing that a place is being created for me in this community, at least for these several upcoming months. i am forseeing myself nestling down and drawing in close the relationships that will be sticking around through the end of this year, and i am beginning to agree with the idea more and more.

the journey is leveling out for a while, only to become more adventurous in the near future. i do hope.

i am starting to dream big ... and not letting anything stop me.

i am beginning to open my eyes yet again, and straining to see the beauty in even the smallest of things. it is a challenge i am welcoming. far too long have i settled for the past when the present is quickly passing me by.

i am welcoming you home, although this welcome will soon turn into another goodbye. i do not know who we are in the eyes of the universe, but i am content simply with you being here.

and now i must sleep.
.k.