new season.

today it feels like summer.

you know, the very beginning of summer when you first start to notice the birds waking you and the sunrise that paints bubblegum pinks and blues? when the days are warm and sunny, singling out the mornings and evenings that are cool, crisp, and damp?

i know these days should bring me comfort, but they instead cause my stomach to dance and my heart to race. i always do this: i compare how i feel to times in life. and beginning of summer always means one thing: a new season of life. which, of course, is right where i am at now.

in these days of uncertainty, when i am impatiently waiting for something i never event wanted to patiently wait for (i.e. a paycheck), i am finding comfort in people, of all things. good friends who feed me and save me from living in my car. friends who let me cook for them and play guitar on their couches. who tell me the truth about things that may hurt. that are displaying love to me and for some reason don't hold back.

i am ready for my life to be slightly more stable so i can discover what showing love means in this new setting of community and creative action. i am ready to be supporting myself and expanding my brain yet again. to explore what taking a next step means and who i am in the context of searching for what to live for ...

you see, i think being absurd is actually all right sometimes, better than that in fact: it makes it easier to forgive one another and be properly humble; one can't understand everything in a flash, after all, you can't start off with perfection! to attain perfection you have to start off by being ignorant of many things! if we understand things too quickly we may not understand them properly...
prince myshkin [fyodor dostoevsky, 'the idiot']